How are the Supers doing?
I am about to post a vent and a rage. A sob and a woe-is-me. But I have to get if off my chest. Please stop reading immediately if you have negative things to say about this or what I have to say, because that is NOT what I need to hear right now.
How are the Supers doing?
Not so well actually.
We feel pretty darn deserted. Deserted by family (because we have none for 500 miles). Deserted by many friends. Deserted by many in our church.
And why do I think this has happened? I’d like to think that it isn’t because we’ve become rude, cruel, or unkind. I’d love to hope that we have continued to try to reach out to others and be friends when we can. We have not disappeared, stopped checking email, gone off of FB. I think we’ve been deserted (and specifically Professor X) because he is unable to go out into the community at all. He’s become close to a shut in. And so…. out of sight, out of mind.
People say they want to help. They say they’ll pray for us. They say to just let them know what we need.
But then I do ask. I ask for people to be friends with Professor X and come over. I ask for help with household jobs. I beg for someone to watch the kids. And maybe one person replies. This is where I am with our church. Which is so sad to me since they used to be very supportive. Back when Professor X could actually attend (although I still attend every week and volunteer with various teams).
And it’s going to get worse. As I learned in the last few days, the medication that I am weaning off of has horrendous withdrawal symptoms. Symptoms that may put me out of commission for weeks and possibly months. Since I am the caretaker of the family, this is very bad news.
And so I’m venting to the world. I don’t want prayers. I want action. I don’t want sympathy. I want help. And when someone becomes sick enough that they can no longer join the community to do things… that doesn’t mean they don’t want friends or help. It means that they need those things that much MORE.
As a fellow SLP and Christian I can’t read this post without commenting. I too have struggled with the “quitting Christians” feeling. It sure can be lonely being a part of a body of believers…what a conundrum! I have to remind myself daily that as Christians, we are not saying we are perfect but instead acknowledging ourselves as sinners. And with that public declaration, most of us simply live a life of hypocrisy! I look to Romans 3 on this…because truly all “fall short of the glory of God”. That being said, I’m sure it does nothing to make you feel better. Although churches are supposed to be the loving community we turn to, please realize that you have a community of supporters online as well. I’m not sure where you live (I’m in North Texas) but if there is something tangible that I can do for you please let me know. My personal email is hpstautz at gmail dot com.
Here’s the problem with being a “giver” as you so clearly are. Too many times “givers” surround themselves with “takers” and it is only when the “giver” needs something does she/he realize that.
Praying you find more “givers” in your life right now for you, for your husband and for your children. Sending you love and prayers!
I wish I lived closer…I’d be happy to help with your kids or anything else.
So sorry to hear that you’re having such a hard time getting help, especially from the very people who should be reaching out to you! Yes, I know what you mean. I went though a similar thing when my 4 babies were 4yo and under and my husband was deployed overseas. I was suffering from Post Natal Depression and anxiety attacks and I thought my church family would step in and help me, but the whole time my husband was away no one even called (I wasn’t making it to church as nearly every Sunday one of the children were sick, or I was just too tired). I have no advice – wish I did! – except hang in there and I hope someone from your church community realizes very, very soon that you are in need. I would love to help you, but there’s that huge big ocean and several time zones in between us, unfortunately.
(On a much lesser scale), when I was PTA prez, I would beg for help and the same small core group of parents would always be there—everyone else always had some lame excuse! I found out who my true friends were from this experience. I’m sorry you are going through this–(I know you don’t want sympathy or prayers right now) Since you need action, can I make phone calls for you—I have a way of getting people to listen! LOL! Wish I lived closer—please let me know if I can do something to help! You can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
I typed a comment…and my internet connection failed and I lost it. I am so sorry that you are going through this. This is the short version…since I’m typing this again. 1. I will pray. You can email me if you’d like. Praying for others is what keeps me going most days. 2. I will learn from this. I will keep my eyes open to the community around me. I wouldn’t want to be blind to those who need me. (((HUGS)))
I am so sorry.
And I completely agree with Comm. Station. I was always the mother hen type in my group of friends and then when I needed help it seemed my “friends” just kind of disappeared. So depressing.
I’m so glad that you did post this and I can’t imagine anyone reading your blog and having a problem with anything you write on it. It is your blog. And writing about this is a good reminder for all of us to be available to those around us who are struggling.
I know you don’t want more prayers right now, but I’m sending them up for you anyway.
I wish I was closer to help you out 🙁
Just a suggestion—have you considered setting up a Caring Bridge account? I stay updated very well with several families that are dealing with chronic illness. It’s a nice place for perhaps a family friend to coordinate meals, rides, or visits.
Thank you for the reminder to reach out to friends and loved ones in need, and follow through on offers to help. I am two time zones away, but I hope those near you step up. You do wonderful things for the children at your school, you have touched many lives through your blog, and it’s about time someone does something for you.
I realize I am a few months late to this post and I am hoping that your situation has improved in the past few months. I can very much relate to what you were saying. I have a mental illness, and although I remain relatively stable and functioning, I still have bad days and go through difficult periods. Throughout my life, when I have gone through difficult times, people have often disappeared. Although I would hope that they would be there for me, I have also come to realize that many times people are very uncomfortable with severe depression or other mental illnesses. And although they may have good intentions, their ignorance and/or unfamiliarity and associated anxiety with the disorder, medical condition, etc., prevents them from taking initiative to help out. People have also told me that when I become very reclusive that they interpret that as me not wanting to be bothered. I have spent years trying very hard to basically front-load my friends on how to interact with me when I am not feeling well. For some it has worked, for others, it hasn’t at all.
I do hope things get better because as others have said, you live your life very selflessly. you deserve to have someone do something for you and help you out when you need it.